So, there’s this radio station Star 99.9 in Connecticut. It may even seep into Rhode Island. But, I’ll use their description to tell you all about it. It’s “soft and contemporary”. Which pretty much means that it is boring.
This is the kind of music that will play when you work in a cubicle. It’s completely work safe. They should really change the slogan to, “Play this radio station at your work place if you want to put your workers into a trance.” Because that is what is does. You know why? Because they play the same songs at the same exact time every single day!
You know what ruined a lot of people’s days about a year ago?
When “Soaking Up the Sun” by Sheryl Crow was introduced to the playlist.
That ruined everyone’s day.
They were totally expecting “Fly” by Sugar Ray right after their lunch break. (Which by the way consisted of the same exact thing they ate the last 5 years: a turkey sandwich on rye bread with exactly 4 slices of meat. No more, no less. A dab of mayo. Not a drop, but a dab. And sometimes when it’s dress down Friday they will put lettuce and tomato on it, but usually when they are feeling risky they will pack a bag of Baked Lays)
These are the type of people that will literally have heart failure when you throw them a curve ball like “Soaking Up the Sun”.
You know how many women that buy their under garments (that’s what they call them) at Sears, pissed their pants that day? About 2,000 strong!
Sears was fucking BOOMING that weekend.
But, good thing it was Labor Day. Because they also only shop when there’s a big sale. Labor Day, Memorial Day, the Friday after Thanksgiving. They live for that shit.
Shopping on those days is like jumping out of a plane that’s heading for the atmosphere. Part of them wishes they didn’t have to do it, but they know they’ll burn up and die if they don’t.